To be a good mother when my heart was breaking is one of the hardest roles I’ve ever played.
When the father figure skipped out, I started playing both roles. Not because I wasn’t enjoying being Mom anymore, but because I had to spend every waking hour earning enough money to pay the mortgage, the school fees, the maintenance and buy groceries. Sometimes I think back to how I used to whine for the stuff other women had, like security, the love, the family, the social acceptance and more. And then I’d scrub those memories from my brain and park them for some later day. Then I looked at my son to reinvent myself every day for him.
I wanted my son to look at me like I was a bag full of surprises. Isn’t this what a 5-year-old would want? I wanted to erase the bad memories from his mind so I decided that each day will be a multitude of many things that would make him smile from lips to ears. Which hand was his cookie in? Which way would we walk to the bus stop? Would we be splashing in puddles or leaping over? Taking walks in the rain or enjoying it from the balcony? Would we dance to our special songs if it accidentally played on the radio? And so much more.
In our life that was so ordinary, this was my way of making it extraordinary, not because I had so much but because I made it that way. We were heaven to each other; we were each other’s superhero.
I read this saying back then, “it is hard living without a father but it’s easy when you have a wonderful mother playing both roles” and I set out to be just that.
I found my own courage hidden inside me. From all the tough times I dealt with the emotionally challenging ones were the toughest. I have fought a thousand battles and I am still standing. Cried a million nights and I am still smiling. Demeaned by people and still have earned my respect. I have been abandoned, betrayed and used in relationships but I still walk proud. I have cultivated this new me and I have grown an inch more of myself every day since then. While they decided to bury me, I rose up from the ground.
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How Writing Helped Me
I decided to take writing as a weapon of choice. I wrote about my fears, my insecurities, my heartbreaks and everything that made me feel uncomfortable. The paper is and has been my greatest loyal friend. And in no time these writings began to make noise. With almost 150 thousand people following me on social media, delivering global TEDx talks, being ranked as the top 10 motivational speakers in India to be fondly and lovingly anointed as ‘The Modern Sufi’, this ride has been quite eventful.
To all the mothers reading this, I have one bit to say, “You alone are enough”. Whether you are married, in a relationship or divorced with kids, you are more than what you need. Dive inside and dig out that courage that lies beneath the dust of people’s opinions about you. shake the dust off and wear this courage proudly. Your children look up to you and make your they have a good reason to. Have no guilt of the past, no regret of the broken and give no heed to mouths that talk against you. Because honestly, they don’t matter.
What matters is you and your little world around you. Choose your own ammunition and embrace the massacre that lies ahead.
Happy Mother’s Day.
A Must Mother’s Day Read: Should I Quit my Job to be with my Child?